In dreams
by dajwoh
Summary: My take on how Faith finds out about Buffy dying in 5x22.


_Buffy ... No!_

_Dawnie, I have to._

_No!_

_Listen to me. Please, there's not a lot of time, listen. _

She twists and turns in her bed, wishing to come out of this dream which is turning out to be a nightmare. She whimpers softly squeezing her eyes more tightly shut, wishing the imagine in front of her to leave her sight.

She watches Buffy turn in slow motion and takes of running down the platform, leaving a crying Dawn standing there. She swan dives off the end of the platform and into the portal.

She can feel the pain that the portal is causing Buffy and she's writhing all over the bed. Silent tears starting to run down her cheeks. Then the pain is no more and she sees that the portal is gone and Buffy's lifeless body is lying on the ground amongst debris.

She wakes up with a jerk, her whole body damp with sweat and her face wet from tears and her breathing is hard.

She thinks of the imagines she just saw and remembers how real they felt. She wonders if this was a slayer dream of things to come, she wonders if Buffy dreamt it too. But something doesn't feel right, it feels like more than just a dream. She takes a couple of deep breaths to calm her racing heart. She closes her eyes and tries to concentrate, she does something she hasn't done in a long time. She taps in to their slayer connection, something she had blocked off ever since going to prison. After a couple of minutes she realizes that's its not working, that hum that she always felt from Buffy, it isn't there. Tears start to build in her eyes, she tries one more time but there's nothing there. Her eyes fly open and the tears are flowing.

What she saw was real, it just happened. She was gone. Buffy was gone. She couldn't feel her anymore.

"NOOO!" she screams in agony, probably waking everyone on the wing up. But she doesn't care. Her part of her was gone. A part of her soul was gone. She had made one promise to herself when she went to jail, that the first time she saw Buffy outside of the prison walls, she would finally tell her, how she feels about her. Tell her that she loved her from the first moment she saw her and that she never stopped.

She starts pounding on the wall, she screams and she cries, the hole in the wall getting bigger by the second with her using all her slayer strength, making her bleeding knuckles ache, but she hardly feels it, the pain in her heart is all that she feels.

That's how the guard finds her, calling for backup before even entering her cell. The know how strong she is and there's no way that she can detain her on her own. It takes eight guards to get her away from the wall and from stopping her hurting herself. She screams the whole time but she doesn't lash out at the guards. When they have given her enough sedatives to knock out a horse, she finally stops fighting, she let's out a broken whisper of Buffy's name before she slips into darkness.

She wakes up a couple of hours later even with the amount of drugs she was given, its not enough to keep a slayer down for to long. She looks around and realizes that she is in the infirmary. To her surprise she is not restrained, it would not be of any use anyway.

She feels numb and just empty, like she's not really there. She just stares at the ceiling wondering if her life is worth much at all when she will never be whole again.

_It started after I had been in prison for a couple of weeks. First there was a letter with a request for me to allow her to visit me. A part of me wasn't surprised as the other part was in disbelief for two days before I signed the paper allowing her visit. The first visit was awkward with a staring contest that lasted a good twenty minutes before she started talking with me mostly listening. She wanted us to talk through everything that's happened between us in the past so we can finally get past it. I have to say that sounded really good so I agreed. After a few visits it felt like everything had been settled I even asked her for her forgiveness which she gave me. When I saw the tears building up in her eyes I wanted so badly to reach out for her, the best I could do was to put my hand on the glass separating us as I struggled to keep my own tears at bay. Tears that spilt when she put her over mine on the glass. I thought that her visits would stop now that our past was behind us, but she kept coming to see me. When she was unable to come she called me. She even sent me a few letters that I keep re-reading when she's on my mind. I found myself opening up more to her, probably more than I had ever before. And it felt good, like now we could finally go back to re-building our friendship. I talked about my everyday life in prison and she told me what was happening with her friends and what was going on with the Hellmouth._

_When my birthday rolled around I was surprised when I wasn't lead to the usual visiting area but the family area, where you can see your visitor without the glass separating you. Before I could even utter a word I see a flash of blonde hair as she throws her arms around me. It takes me a couple seconds to react and to put my arms around her. She leads me over to a nearby table where a plate with cupcakes with candles on them greets me. She never told me how she found out when my birthday is. When she hugged me goodbye and left I realized that my the feelings I had for her, that never really left, came rushing back. There's no denying them any longer. We haven't been in touch as much lately with her and the gang trying to figure out how to deal with Glory. _

For the next three months Faith doesn't feel much of anything. She spends all her days either in bed or just sitting in the window of her cell. For the first couple of weeks she cried herself to sleep but now she doesn't even cry anymore. She just stares, she's almost in a catatonic state and she doesn't care if she ever snaps out of it. When the fourth month starts she starts training again. She can't take more of her thoughts anymore, it hurts too much. She spend her days getting back into shape and getting something productive done. She knows that Buffy would have kicked her ass if she saw her like this. Just staring into space all day long.

She wonders how the others are doing. How Dawn is doing with losing both her mum and her sister the same year. She was thinking of calling her but every time she picked up the phone she was at a loss of words.

Then one night she doesn't have the dream, so doesn't live the nightmare again, of watching the love of her life jump into a portal and fall to the ground dead, she has a dream she hasn't had before.

Day 147 after Buffy's death she dreams she's in the dark, in some sort of box. She realizes that it's not just any box it's a coffin. She starts clawing her way out of there. She has to get out of there, she can't breathe, and she starts punching till after what feels like hours her arm breaks through, she crawls out into the cool night air and take in much needed air. She slowly stands and turns to the tombstone over the grave she just crawled out of. Buffy Anne Summers the tombstone reads.

Faith wakes up with a jerk and gasps for air. She pushes the damp hair out of her face and her wild eyes takes in her surroundings. A brief flicker of hope runs through her when she thinks about what she just saw, even though it was a dream. She does the only thing she can think about, she focuses on their connection, hoping and praying that her hunch is correct. Then she feels it. She feels her. The connection. That distant hum, that is Buffy. Its faint, but it's there and that is all that matters.

She starts to cry, but this time its out of happiness and relief. She gets out of bed and starts to get dressed. The decision is made in seconds. She has to go to her. She can't stay here if Buffy is alive. She packs some stuff in a bag, puts her hair up and starts tearing at the bars covering her window. She has the bars gone in minutes and she climbs out the window and jump to the ground. She runs fast over to the fence and climbs up and over and then she's gone.

* * *

Buffy walks out into the backyard. She just needs to be alone for a while. Everything is so overwhelming, it's too much. She sits down on the porch and just stares at the stars up in the sky. She hears movement near by that catches her attention. "Hello?" she asks getting up and going down the stairs. She looks over to her right, by the tree where the movement came from. She doesn't need to ask again who it is, she can feel it. She's surprised she didn't feel it earlier. But then again she's only been back from the dead for about a day, everything is still kind of hazy. Faith steps out of the shadows and a smile lights up her face as soon as she lays eyes on Buffy. "Wow, she still looks amazing" Buffy thinks and lets a small smile break out, it's been a long time since she smiled.

"Hey B" Faith says as she steps towards her.

"Hey Faith. Not that I'm not happy to see you, but aren't you supposed to be somewhere else right now?"

"Yeah well, I had to see you" She says shyly.

"How come? Is something wrong?" Buffy says walking up to Faith and hesitantly reaches over to give her a hug.

The hug takes Faith by surprise but she doesn't hesitate in hugging her back.

The hug lasts a little longer then a friendly hug usually lasts and Buffy pulls back looking into Faith's eyes still waiting for an answer to her question.

"I saw you die" Faith blurts out. _"Smooth Faith" _she thinks

Buffy's eyebrows go up as she lets out a surprised "oh".

"You know I'm not good at feelings and shit but.. I had to come see you" she says whilst looking down at her boots. "There's something I need to tell you".

"Okay so you broke out of prison to come tell me something?" Buffy says with a smirk.

"Well yeah. I was completely broken after I saw you die. I couldn't feel you anymore and I felt so empty.. Like a part of me was gone. And I knew.. I knew I would never get the chance to tell you how I feel. I made myself a promise that, when I got out of prison, the first thing I would do would be to be honest with you and stop being such a coward. That maybe I after I did my time I would be.. Worthy. In my nightmares I kept seeing you die and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I would have given my life for you, you know, I never wanted you to die. And then last night I dreamt that I woke up in a coffin and when I got out of there I was staring at your grave. And I could feel you again and I have never been so happy or relieved in my life so I had to go.. So yeah I kind of busted out of prison and came straight here" She says whilst looking into Buffy's eyes the whole time.

"What is that you wanted to tell me?" Buffy asks in a whisper.

Faith saw something just there in her eyes, something that flickered by but it was gone so fast so she isn't sure it was actually there. She can't quite place it but it looked like longing.

Must just be wishful thinking she thinks and lightly shakes her head.

The brunette swallows hard and tentatively reaches out and strokes Buffy's cheek.

"I wanted to tell you.. That I love you Buffy. I'm heads over in heals, madly in love with you. It's always been you" She says and leans over giving her a light kiss on the cheek where she didn't have her hand. She lets the hand that was touching her face, fall limply to her side and let's out a deep breath. It felt good to finally say it out loud, to say it to Buffy.

Buffy's face is full of surprise and a bit of shock. Faith desperately wants her to say something, anything. The silence stretches on for a few seconds and Faith opens her mouth to say something but she doesn't get the chance cause to her surprise Buffy has captured her lips with her own. When her brain finally catches on she kisses her back with all the love she can muster but the kiss stays gently and loving. Buffy reaches out and puts a hand on the brunettes back to pull her closer to her and Faith gently places a hand behind her neck just wanting to feel skin.

They keep kissing till the lack of air forces them apart. It takes Faith a couple of seconds to come back to reality and open her eyes. The goofy smile on her face matches the smile Buffy is wearing.

"I love you too Fai" Buffy says softly making Faith look in to her eyes.

"You do?" she says astounded.

"Yeah. I've loved you forever" she answers and that's all Faith needs to hear. She pulls Buffy towards her again and kisses her again. She already knows that she will never grow tired of kissing her.

The brunette places her hands on the small on Buffy's back pulling her close to her own body. Buffy slowly pulls away making Faith pout, earning a giggle from the blonde slayer.

She takes a step back and turns pulling Faith with her going towards the house as Faith picks up her bag from the ground.

Faith glances around "looks like not much have changed here?" Buffy shakes her head and keep going towards the stairs leading to the second floor.

"Well Willow and Tara live here now, they have my mum's old room" She whispers out the last words. She feels Faith squeeze her hand in a way of showing her support.

"I'm sorry about your mum. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you"

They reach the second floor and heads towards Buffy's room.

"It's okay. You were kind of busy with you know being in prison and all" Buffy says with a smirk leading them into her bedroom with Faith following behind her and tosses her bag on the floor and closes the door.

Buffy gently pushes Faith against the door and reaches behind her to lock it.

She looks at Faith, meeting her eyes. Faith pulls her closer "no more talking" she whispers and pulls the blonde into a passionate kiss. This kiss is rougher and more urgent then their first kiss but still loving. She moves down to start kissing down her throat making Buffy let out a moan. The blonde tangles her hands in dark locks, a silent request for Faith to not stop. Faith has one hand clasped over Buffy's neck and lets one hand wander down her side. Her hand touches the hem of Buffy's shirt, and the blondes breathing hitches as Faith starts to pull on the hem to take it off as she starts walking them towards the bed.

A few minutes later they are lying in bed together kissing passionately, only wearing their underwear. With Faith on top she trails kissing down Buffy's throat, leaning on one hand letting her other hand playing with Buffy's left breast. With Buffy's hand clasped around the brunette's neck urging her to keep going.

"Tell me B, what do you want?" Faith whispers in her ear. Buffy let's out a moan as the brunette dips down to the breast her hand wasn't caressing, flicking out her tongue licking her nipple before sucking it in to her mouth.

When she still hasn't gotten an answer to her question she stops and grins at the whimper of protest the blonde slayer let's out as Faith stopped the pleasure she's giving the blonde.

Faith places sloppy kisses up the column of her throat going back to her ear "tell me what you want baby" she whispers and gently bites down on her pulse point.

Buffy's breath hitches, "take me" she whispers out in reply.

"My pleasure" the brunette answers and dips her tongue out, letting it run down her throat, over her collarbone down, between her breasts and keeps going downwards till she reaches her hot core. She gently presses on the blondes thighs to spread her legs, lays down between her legs and she licks her slit up and down a few times, loving the sound Buffy is making, sounding almost like a squeal, she looks up at Buffy who raises herself up on to her elbows to have a better look at the gorgeous brunette who is in between her legs making her feel incredible.

Their eyes met and there's no denying the tension between them and Faith wishes she could stay in this moment forever with the way Buffy is looking at her, the love and the lust shining in her eyes. She snaps out of the moment when she feels the blonde impatiently tug on her hair, pulling her face towards where needs her the most. The brunette playfully nips on her thigh before breaking eye contact and dipping her tongue back down to Buffy's core. She licks up and down and up towards her clit and starts flicking it slowly, licking it in slow tight circles. Buffy tightness her hold on Faith's hair, pulls her knees up, planting her feet on the mattress, allowing the brunette closer. Still keeping herself up on her elbow to be able to look down at Faith. Her hips start bucking off the mattress and Faith clasps her hands on Buffy's hips in order to keep her in place. With the pleasure getting to intense, the blonde is unable to keep her eyes open any longer and they roll to the back of her head as she lets out loud moan that sounds more like a whimper. The brunette can tell the blonde's release is close, when her hips bucking gets more frantic and she's moaning louder and louder for every passing second. Faith flicks faster adding a little more pressure when Buffy's back arches and her whole body shudders. "Oh my god, Faith! Baby, oh my god!"

The brunette slowly let's her down from her orgasm with light licks and presses and last kiss on her core as Buffy's body falls limp to the mattress panting heavily trying to get her breathing under control. Faith crawls up Buffy's body and leans down to kiss her cheek lovingly. Keeping her body hovering over Buffy as she wipes the sweat of the blonde's brow and trails her hand down to caress her cheek making the blonde's eyes flutter open with a goofy smile adoring her face. Faith chuckles and bends down to kiss Buffy's lips. She returns the kiss feverishly and wraps her arms around the brunette slayer closer to her body. When their tongues start to met she can taste herself on Faith's tongue making her instantly wet again. When the kiss breaks Buffy slowly opens her eyes looking up into Faith's endless brown eyes, the look in her eyes making the butterflies appear once again.

"What?" Faith asks. Buffy merely smiles and kiss her again. "You're so beautiful" she answers. She swears she can see a tint of blush appearing on the brunette girl's face but she quickly ducks down kissing her cheek once again.

"Not as beautiful as you" she lets out in a whisper. She pulls back and looks down at Buffy.

"I'm not done with you yet" she lets out with a devious smile on her face as she once again sits up on her heels between the blonde's legs. She puts her hands under the blonde's knees and pulls Buffy towards her, so her butt is lying on Faith's thighs. Buffy looks up in curiosity wondering what the brunette is up to. Faith runs a finger down the blonde's toned stomach, trailing it once again down to her core. She places two fingers at Buffy's entrance and slowly pushes in. She puts her other hand just above her core and let's her thumb brush over the blonde's still sensitive clit. She looks up at her love whose eyes have fluttered shut and her mouth slightly open but not letting out any words just slightly panting.

She pulls her fingers back out and slides them back in slightly harder then the first time. She starts up a rhythm pushing in and pulling out, with Buffy starting to pump her hips to meet Faith's fingers. The brunette is marveling in the blonde's tightness, how her fingers are brushing up against her wet, hot walls that feel so incredible soft. "Arghh" the blonde moans and the brunette picks up the pace, looking up at the blonde as she tosses her head back and tightness her grip on the sheets as Faith hits just the right spot, she closes her eyes, leaning her head back to commit this moment to her memory and just enjoy what she is feeling and then Buffy's hips are jerking out of control and with one finale brush on the blondes clit she comes undone with a scream of Faith's name, sweat glistening on her body as she flops down on the mattress gasping for air. Faith gently places the blonde's lower body on the bed as she crawls up her body and gives the half unconscious blonde a smoldering kiss. "That was amazing honey" the dazed blonde says.

"You're amazing" Faith replies showing of her dimples. After a few minutes of lazy kisses Buffy is feeling better and starts pushing Faith backwards till she is sitting up with her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. Confusion that is soon dissolved with Buffy sitting up as well, pulling Faith up to straddle her. Faith clasps her arms around Buffy's neck and starts kissing her ferociously as Buffy's hands runs up and down the brunette's back.

Soon the kissing isn't enough and Faith starts grinding her hips down towards Buffy's hoping to gain some much needed friction. Buffy tears her lips away from Faith and pulls her impossible closer and starts kissing down her neck. Letting her hands trail down her sides and clasps one hand on her hip and let's the other hand trail down to Faith's core where she gasps in surprise at how wet the brunette is. At the light touch at her heated core the brunette let's out a deep groan. Buffy starts nipping on her neck and bites down on her pulse point as she roughly pushes two fingers in to her lover's dripping sex and starts up a fast tempo.

Buffy moves her hand that is clasped on Faith's hip to her back to help keep her up as Faith starts riding Buffy's fingers back an forth, moaning loudly. Sweat is running down between her breasts that are moving up and down with her movements. Buffy dips her head down to lightly suck on her breast as she can feel Faith contracting around her fingers. As she brushes her thumb over her clit it's all over as Faith let's out a "oh my god" and starts moving even faster as Buffy reaches up to her ear and whisper "Faith baby, I got you, let go". That's what causes her orgasm to come crashing over her as she moans deeply and let's out a whisper of the blonde's name. Faith let's her head fall down to Buffy's shoulder as she recovers from the most intense orgasm in her life. Buffy smiles and clasps her arms around her lover as she recovers from the intense love session.

"Faith?"

"Yeah babe?" she answers and lifts her head from the blonde's shoulder and looks into her lovers green eyes.

"Marry me" is what she hears and it's not so much a question as it is a statement. Faith is frozen in shock for a brief moment before she starts nodding.

"Yes" she whispers.

Buffy let's out a huge smile and Faith can't help but match her smile. She clasps one hand on the blonde's neck and the other gently caresses her cheek as they start moving against each other again.

The make love long in to the morning till they finally fall asleep exhausted but totally satisfied in what last night brought them. They fall asleep with Buffy's back pressed tightly against Faith's front with their hands clasped on Buffy's stomach. And the last thought that goes through the blonde's mind before sleep claims her is that she's finally happy to be back from the dead, here in bed, with the love of her life holding her close. A smile covers her face as she closes her eyes and let's herself fall into the darkness of a peaceful sleep.

The end

* * *

Please do let me know what you thought of it :)


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